When the Past Still Feels Present: Letting Go or Holding Differently
Some moments from our past are unshakably real. They happened. They left an imprint. We might remember the exact feeling in our body, the way the room looked, or the words spoken. Those experiences—whether painful, shaming, or frightening—can hold truth.
But even when the memory is true, it’s worth asking:
What did I believe about myself or the world at that time?
Is that belief still true today?
Do I still need to carry this in the same way?
Because often, it’s not the facts of the event that keep us stuck—it’s the meaning we gave it, the story we told ourselves in that moment, and the way our body continues to react as though it’s happening again.
Why True Memories Can Still Hijack the Present
When we live through something overwhelming, the brain prioritizes protection over perspective. The prefrontal cortex—the part that helps us think logically—loses capacity, and our survival systems take charge. Adrenaline and cortisol flood the body. Muscles tense. Heart rate spikes.
The moment is stored in a way that’s meant to keep us safe if danger returns, but this can mean our nervous system reactivates long after the threat has passed. A smell, a tone of voice, a certain look—anything that echoes the original event—can trigger the same physiological response.
When a memory is unprocessed, we can lose our sense of chronological order. In those moments, we may feel the same age we were when the experience happened.
Processing Without Erasing
Approaches like Somatic EMDR and Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) are not about denying or rewriting the truth of what happened. Instead, they help us slow down the body’s response so we can integrate the memory without the same level of emotional charge.
Through bilateral stimulation (BLS)—activating both sides of the brain—the narrative and emotional centers can process together. This allows us to place the memory back on the timeline where it belongs. The truth remains, but it no longer has the power to pull us entirely out of the present.
Tools for Regulation in Real Time
You don’t need to wait for a therapy session to begin working with activation. Practices that can help include:
Breathing techniques that signal safety to the nervous system.
Self-administered bilateral stimulation (such as tapping alternately on each knee or opposite shoulder).
Containment strategies—mentally placing overwhelming feelings in a safe space until they can be processed with the right support.
These aren’t about avoiding the truth—they’re about keeping the truth anchored in the past, so it doesn’t take over the present.
When the Past Finds Its Rightful Place
We can’t change the reality of what happened. What we can change is how our body and mind hold it. Processing allows us to keep the truth of the experience while releasing the hold it has on our day-to-day life.
When a memory is integrated, we can acknowledge its reality without reliving its impact. We carry it with perspective instead of being carried by it. And that shift opens more space for choice, presence, and connection in the here and now.
